Crap fuck crap fuck

Join me for a story.
Imagine you are a normal person with ideas and dreams for the future.
One day you are struck down by some unknown ailment.
You suffer day in an and day out because this particular ailment hinders your daily life. You can no longer function normally.
As far as you know, there is no treatment for this ailment.
Until one day, someone offers you an elixir that they swear will start to heal you.
It can't hurt to try.
Suddenly the world is a much brighter place. You start making plans and dreaming again. You can see the future.
5 months go by and you are feeling great. You have made it past so many milestones.
And then one day, the person who supplies you with the elixir tells you you can only have 9 more treatments.
You stop dreaming.
The future is unclear.


So that was a little dramatic, but I just wanted to try to help you understand what this means to me.
Today I was told I can only come back to therapy 9 more times before my insurance stops paying for it. WHAT THE FUCK? How the hell can they do this to people? How can they take away the one thing that works?! Why why why does it always come down to money? The insurance people and the health care people are fucking monsters. How does quality of life have a goddamn fucking price tag on it? FUCK YOU, America, and your shitty health care system.




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Now playing: Pantera - Walk
via FoxyTunes

HOLY FUCK, CYBORG GROWS FINS!

I did it. I went swimming. And it was amazing.

I had to walk past a bunch of 'fit' youngsters which made me really self-conscious. I was the only one wearing a metal shirt and black shorts in the pool. I have never wanted to be invisible so much in my entire life. I guess it doesn't help that my grandma said "Man, you have some ugly scars." QQ

I did maybe 10 walking laps(twisting at the waist) and 5 swimming laps. I did a bunch of leg excersises and some crunches. I... may have over done it. I couldn't help it, I felt normal again. My right leg didn't feel like it weighed 23842346lbs more than the other. My hip didn't hurt as bad. My joints felt great. Of course all good things must come to an end. When I got out of the pool, I felt like I was going to topple over and die.

I'm looking forward to more swimming.

It is so hard not to give up.

*swims with special cyborg legs*

OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT. I got signed up for the poooool. I got my pool schedule. Hopefully swimming Wednesday!!!

*dusts for cobwebs*

Little update:

My wound has finally healed! I don't know when I'm going to get in the pool, but hopefully it will be soon. I can't wait to be exhausted.

All of my measurements are down, but I think I've hit a plateau. I think we should start wrapping my thigh soon so the measurements will continue to go down. Eventually I should be able to wear a thigh high stocking instead of all the wraps. Oo-la-la.

My nurses/therapists have all been trying to help me get my benefits. One of them wrote a really nice letter for me. Included with the letter was a story about a guy with a similar story to mine. He was in a car accident that crushed his legs and he had to go through a full year of therapy. A whole year? God. I can't imagine a whole year, let alone my whole life dedicated to taking care of this. But that's exactly what it is. A life long battle with wraps and stockings.

Mmm, yeasty.

I had to go to the Bentonville version of Highland Oncology to see a nurse practitioner about my wounds. I had to give blood, which is always a pain because I'm a tough stick(llooolll). I also waited there for fucking EVER. I feel so bad for all of the people there. :(

I still keep getting these little pockets of fluid under my scars. It is so annoying because that pushes the day I can get into the pool back further and further. Also, my main wound is yeasty. Probably because it is always moist and always wrapped up. I have to put this anti-fungal cream and take a serious dousage of Diflucan.

I'm still here!

My appointments have been really sporadic lately because I've had some trouble with billing. Basically instead of it costing 30 bucks every week, it would be 30 every DAY that I went. That just won't fly. Luckily the nurses HONESTLY and GENUINELY care about me and contacted my insurance company. The insurance company agreed to pay 80% of the daily bill! I can go atleast 4 times a week now. AWESOME NEWS.

I don't even know what my measurements are because I haven't been to the therapy in so long. Tomorrow I have an appointment at 1:30 and Wednesday at 9:30. Hopefully I won't have to do any yoga, it killed my back last time.